Another Artist's Struggle with His Work

You've heard it before. The one thing that holds back a writer is his/her own lazy butt. It's no different here. I have a few things I can use as good excuses, mostly my grad school stuff. But there has been something else that has been holding me back from going forward (something other than grad school) with any of my current projects. And that's something I call 'The Importance'.

The Importance is the why I should be writing and publishing, the reason I think my work should be out there. In the past I didn't think too much about it too much, but in the last few years it has weighed heavy on me. Now, I look at what I am writing and wonder if it will have an impact on anybody. The current piece I am working on is a fantasy novel about some orcs, elves, gnomes, and goblins in a world run by money, drugs, and politics. I thought it was a cool idea. Something genre bending and different. Up my alley.

But in the last few weeks, I have just stared at the pages. Adding here and there. Forcing myself to work on it. With no passion which usually means the words lay flat on the paper. I struggle so much with it because I don't know if it will contribute anything to society. If it will matter. If it will make people think. If it will have The Importance. I look at people going to OWS or spreading info on sustainability and I am here writing silly stories about orcs.

My favorite writers come out of the Sixties and New Journalism. A time of activism which showed in their work to varying degrees. And a method that told true stories that got to the heart of things. And I've always wanted to be doing that. But I've never been much of an activist or a reporter. I make up stories well. I live in a fantasy place in my head. But I've never been completely happy there. So I've been sitting around the last weekend trying to break down everything I've been doing and why I've been doing it to find where my work truly belongs. And what truly belongs in it. And what is important to have in my work.

I wonder how many other writers or artists care about the impact, The Importance, that their work will have on society...Probably not as many I would hope. Well, not outside people reading it and loving it and buying it. Which is also what I want. But I want something else as well. So this December I will spend it working a little bit on the orc story (probably less and less) but, also, look over my options. See where my head belongs. And try to find that line of thought that will carry great importance in my work for my readers and also for me.